Archive for the ‘Adultery’ Category



November 30, 2013

“And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Luke 12:15

PetI am always searching for advice on triathlons, running, cycling, and swimming.  This is how I coach myself.  I know  it is not as good as the real thing but it is all that I am willing to pay for.  In my typical search of cycling blogs, I ran across the (Coming to Terms with) Becoming the Other Woman blog.  It did not contain the content that I was seeking but it affected my heart to the extent that I could not set it aside and get on with my morning devotions.

This blog chronicles the path of a nurse’s affair with a doctor.  I was once again reminded of the advice of my father.  I wrote about his advice in The Petraeus in all of Us so I won’t repeat myself.  However, I will repeat my heartfelt warning to myself and my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Beware of who you befriend!

The nurse’s story struck a chord with me due to the commonality of circumstances.  Her relationship started through cycling.  Her bond with this other man developed through the familiarity of work.  They grew to the point of being able to complete each other’s sentences.  They relied upon one another and confided in each other.  They become one with each in an affair of the mind before they ever took it to a bedroom.

Her commonality of circumstance is a path open to most of us if we are not careful to guard the path.

I ride with a cycling club that includes female riders.
I work with women.
I go to church with women.

I love and praise God for the women who are in my life.  I appreciate all that they bring into this world.  My world is such a better place due to the women who inhabit it.  I know that I could covet the affections of one of these other women if I were to allow my heart to wander.

However, I am called to one woman – my wife.

I know the danger of another woman being able to complete my thoughts.  I do not want another woman to confide in me.  I do not want to share myself with another woman.  Affairs are rarely fits of passion.  They are slow estrangements from the one who we committed our lives to.  We must take care to protect our affections.  We must guard the access to the oneness of our hearts.

I know that there are brothers and sisters in Christ who are flirting with the affections of others.

I know that there are some who are enjoying the pursuit of someone who is not their own.

I know that are many out there who fantasize about someone other than their spouse.

I know that there are some who are so unhappy in their marriage that they long for companionship.

Auzigog / / CC BY-NC-SA

I plead with you to stop!
I beg you to open your eyes to what you are really doing.
I implore you not to seek emotional affirmation from someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse.

I beseech you to guard you heart.

Do not come to terms with being the other man or woman.
Do not believe the lie, buried in coveting, that this other person will satisfy you.
Do not strive up or awaken love for someone else.

Seek your satisfaction in the One who will not disappoint.
Be completed by the only One who can truly complete you.
Know the joy of abounding love and faithfulness that comes only from God.

Bring your healed and redeemed soul into your fragile and flawed marriage and
then let God transform your marriage into the glorifying union it was meant to be.

Start with guarding your heart.
Begin with taking care in who you are befriending.

PRAYER: O Lord, thank you for my beautiful wife – she is my beloved and my friend.  Thank you for bringing her into my life – I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.  Thank you for all the joy that has come into my life through her.  Lord, you know that I am prone to be dissatisfied for no real reason.  You know that I have a thirst for what is false through the media.  You know that my eyes glance over the grass on the other side of the fence.  Father forgive me for my covetous heart.  Thank you for guarding my heart.  Thank you for keeping me from the adulterous.  Lord, keep my marriage pure; bind our hearts to one another; interweave our emotions so that we may be one.  Lord, lead us to rely upon You for our satisfaction rather than each other.  May we glorify you in our lives and our marriage.  I pray this in the precious name of your Son,  Jesus Christ.   Amen.



November 14, 2012

“Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? … He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. Wounds and dishonor will he get, and his disgrace will not be wiped away.” Proverbs 6:27-28, 32-3    

I have not been able to escape the coverage of the David Petraeus affair. Beyond all of the national security issues, I find this story very sad. It is so sad because we all know what the stories are not talking about.  There are two marriages that have been shattered by this adultery and two exceptional careers dishonored. The warnings of Proverbs are, once again, proven right. I know some may wonder how two, obviously intelligent, people could makes such a poor series of decisions.  I don’t wonder that. I read about this affair and think, “but by the grace of God, that could be me”. It is not because I am an unusual pervert or out of false humility. I remind myself of that because it is a simple truth for me and everyone else that I know. The warnings against adultery in Proverbs are not conditioned.  It never says, “since you have a problem with lust, you should stay away from the adulteress”. The warnings are universal.  If you have looked upon the Petraeus affair and thought, “that can never happen to me”, then you are a fool. That very thought opens you up to a fall. Everyone is warned to stay away from the adulteress because everyone is vulnerable to this type of sin. The problem is that we think that we will only find the adulteress in the “red-light” district. How simplistic is that? The majority of adultery does not spin forth from a prostitute. Most adultery is created from benign friendships. The Petraeus affair came from the work environment. I imagine that at some point they became friends; at some point, they became close friends and then at some point they became lovers. They started to play with fire and expected not to get burned. There had to have been a line where their friendship crossed into adultery and I suspect that it was long before it turned sexual. The problem is that I don’t trust myself in being able to distinguish that line. Do you know for certain where that line is for both of you? Even seeking that line is like playing with fire. I don’t understand why one would even do that. I am reminded of my Father’s advice when I entered the workforce. He told me, “don’t be friends with women at work.” It seemed a little harsh at the time but he was not talking about being friendly. He was talking about being close friends. It is not worth it. It is like playing with fire. I have expanded his advice into simply not being friends with women. Once again, I know that may sound harsh and I am not talking about being friendly. I am saying that I do not have a close friend who is a woman, with the exception of my wife. It is not that I have anything against women.  I love women. They are a master piece of God’s creation that I probably appreciate too much. I have a girlfriend and I only need one. I realize that my stance may result in me being deprived of the uniqueness of a person that just happens to be a woman. I am willing to accept that. I know that some will criticize me as over-sexualizing innocent interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex. I don’t care. My wife, the only girlfriend I have or want, is my priority. I don’t trust my ability to distinguish the line between friendship and adultery. I don’t trust someone else to be able to distinguish that line with me. I don’t want to play that game. Therefore, I have decided not to play.  I will not play with fire.  How about you? Where is your line and what are you willing to risk?

PRAYER: Lord, Please be with all those who are associated with this Petraus affair. I do not know where any of these people are with you, but I know that they need you.  Lord, I pray that you will touch their lives and change them and draw them to yourself.  Lord, keep me and my wife from this same type of sin. Protect our marriage. Protect our hearts so that we will be wholly devoted to you so that our marriage can be all that you have created it to be.  Amen

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